Food Addiction: My Personal Story
Trigger warning: personal experience with substance abuse, & childhood trauma. There are so many nuances to why we may feel “addicted” to food. This is NOT medical advice. The is based on my lived experience and evidence-based research I curated.
“I feel like I’m addicted to sugar.
What can I do?”
Many of us feel like we are addicted to certain types of foods. They usually are highly palatable, sugary or salty. There is lots of information on the internet about food addiction and sugar addiction.
The topic is controversial. This post is about my own feelings of food addiction, and is not medical or mental health advice. Always seek help from a licensed care practitioner if you struggle with your mental or physical health.
I recently asked on Facebook:
”Do you believe in Food Addiction?”
Most people said, “Yes, Food Addiction is a real thing!”. This answer came from both nutritionists and non nutritionists people alike.
Unanimous, really.
Although I have a few research articles here, by no means is this meant to be a definitive resource on Food Addiction (FA)
In 2020, at the time of this blog post, “To date, it is too premature to draw conclusions about the clinical significance of the concept of FA.” (1)
I have used this term too, in describing food. The A word. Addiction.
This is ironic, considering I grew up with two parents who were alcohol abusers.
The other irony is that I also lost
my partner to addiction.
He turned to substance use to cope with mental health issues and past trauma. He did not survive.
I’ve watched him state his mantra, “I am Chris, and I am an alcoholic.” After diving into my own disordered eating work, I had to re-evaluate my statement, saying that I was addicted to cookies, sugar, or food.
Below is is an abbreviated version of my Fullness Friday chat on Instagram.
What I am sharing is personal experience and sprinkling it with Pub Med research. I have felt addicted to food for most of my life.
The research around FA is HUGE, and I have recorded a more in depth podcast episode on my feelings of food addiction.
I also recorded an episode with the author of some of the research I have cited here. Dr. David Wiss, Master’s Level Dietician, is one of the broadest thinkers and researchers I know right now.
His take on food addiction pulls from the bio-psycho-social areas. This means he integrates the bodies biology, psychology, and how we interact as humans into the way he sees food addiction.
He also researches it.
I have used the word ADDICTION pretty loosely, around all kinds of things.
I have described my regenerated love of cycling as being “hooked” on it.
After digging into the research and talking to Dr. Wiss, I ask myself:
Am I insensitive?
Am I diminishing my partner’s experience and later death?
Am I invalidating countless others struggling with drugs and alcohol?
For me, talking about my feelings about food, and feeling out of control has been a way of unraveling my shame around this behaviour.
Is it behaviour, or addiction?
Whatever the “label”, many feel shame around their food habits.
Diet Culture tells us that eating too much means you are not a good person, lack self control and are not healthy. Yet it’s long been recognized that diets are ineffective at long term changes in weight. It’s also NOT TRUE that it’s YOUR fault if you “fall off” your diet.
Diets go against your biology. Yet, we see ourselves as weak if we can’t stick to them.
Mindful Eating changed ALL of that thinking for me.
I had already found Christy Harrison and her information about dieting harm.
I was studying Holistic Nutrition and Mindful Eating when I heard the Food Psych Podcast, and signed up for her workshop, Master Your Anti-Diet Message.
The seed of Health at Every Size had been planted in my juicing, wellness-seeking-but-pass-the-cookies brain in 2017, at York University in Behavioural Health Coaching.
I realized that what I thought about food and bodies and size didn’t make sense.
I also had to face my bias about body size.
My fatphobia.
I also had some great questions to ask myself.
Was I “addicted to food?” or was I caught in a cycle of deprivation which kick started my biology to eat?
Were my eating habits patterned from food insecurity as a child?
Was there REALLY something wrong with me or had I just ADAPTED to life with eating?
Those thoughts shared a dorm room with the other thought that there was something wrong with me.
“I am addicted to food, in particular, sugar. I need to FIX this.”
What is addiction, anyway?
Dictionaries loosely define addiction as:
“Physically and mentally dependence on a particular substance.”
Am I physically and mentally dependant on food?
Yes, and yes. Food was a way of keeping me quiet as a kid, when we had food, and from what I can surmise, when my mom was able to feed me reliably. I talk about my mom in Episode 2, of The Fullness Podcast. She inspired it’s creation.
Hell people, we need food for survival.
But is it addiction, behaviour, both or more?
For me personally, my food attachment is rooted in childhood stress or trauma, however you want to label it. (That story is Episode 3)
Below, is a picture of a child, me, who never knew what was coming next.
Was there going to be food after school?
Will anyone be home before dinner?
Will another person inhabited the body of my mom today? (My mom was a strong individual, who suffered deeply with postpartum depression, and abrupt surgical menopause, with no support.)
I also wondered, was my dad OK?
He wasn't living with us at this point in my life. In the pic, I just got a new puppy, and I attached myself to that baby like it was all I had in the world.
Looking back, it felt like it was.
When we had a full array of food, I had to eat it. I just had to. I could not help myself. I never knew when more would come.
My mom would get mad, because sugary cereal would disappear in a day, and treats like that cost money!
Food felt warm and comforting, and when my parents divorced, food was associated with friendly places and happy people. I didn't have enough of happy feeling, or food, some days. Food moved in as a placeholder for other things.
I have had the “feeling” of being addicted to food, especially sugar, all my life.
It makes sense that Food became a HUG for me.
But, am I addicted to food?
Here are my personal discoveries:
I experienced deprivation in utero.
I also experienced food insecurity in childhood.
I have YEARS of dieting, as young as 10.
I learned my stress response may have formed in utero, childhood and adolescence.
I developed a coping mechanism with food.
This topic runs deep, don't you think?
The food addiction theory, may not be what it seems. 💥💥💥
But that’s another blog post.
Have you experienced feeling addicted to food?
Also, chocolate chip cookies, or gingersnaps?
What’s your favourite?
Tell me below, tag me with your baked cookies on Instagram, or send me a Pinterest recipe!
When we allow food in, when we sit and lean in to the cravings and NOTICE our habits and patterns, we can begin to unravel that ball of yarn that layers into Food Addiction.
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Try My Audio Course!
How’s YOUR Food Relationship?
